First off, my latest short film that got into the Toronto
Indy Film Fest - CHASING ROADRUNNER is now available to watch at
chingofcomedy.com Please watch it if
you haven’t had the chance to. Okay...
The Financial fuck myself experiment has been pretty
successful at getting my lazy ass writing again. Now in attempt to further better myself, I
will be extending this fuck myself experiment to my own personal health and
fitness...and hopefully becoming a bad ass martial artist along the way. Yes, I know I haven’t updated my writing
experiment blog in a while, I’ll do that soon.
It’s bad when I try to flex my muscle in attempt to
intimidate someone, and then all I get is laughter. People would say, “It’s almost as if you don’t
have any muscles at all.” I then try to
tell people that I have stealthy muscles and that taking a punch from me is
like getting hit by an Obama drone attack, but no one seems to believe me.
Some people who see me, a 6’2” guy, but incredibly scrawny
think I’m completely wasting my height by...ya know, being scrawny and boney as
fuck. The #1 most clichéd question I get
from people who marvel at my height is whether I play basketball and when I
tell them I don’t, they look so disappointed, as if I’m wasting this height of
mine. But, I’m not wasting my
height. Hey guys, you know what’s
awesome about being tall? Being able to see over your short midget asses!! You know what’s a way more fun sport? Curling!
No jokes, curling is actually a lot of fun. And badminton...that’s a sport where I use my
height to my advantage.
Anyways...
There’s a reason you never see me posting shirtless pictures
of myself. It’s not because it’s a
douchey thing to do. It’s because I
really have no upper body to show off. I
don’t even have a six pack which is kind of sad for how skinny I am. Don’t get me wrong, if I had a 6 pack, I would
totally post shirtless pictures every day.
If I had photoshop skills, I’d totally photoshop a 6 pack on
myself...but sadly, my photoshop skills are as bad as my upper body.
My good friend Richard Fung (The sensei of Fung Fu) decided
a year ago he needed to get in good shape.
So, he posted a picture of his somewhat flabby self, then went to the
gym steadily 4 days a week. He posted a
picture of himself a year later, and the dude is fucking ripped. He had a goal, he committed, and the results
speak for themselves.
I’m not going to make that commitment. 4 days a week lifting weights is just too much. Why?
Because weight lifting fucking sucks!
Even lighting weights once a week is too much. It’s about as fun as loading heavy shit into
a cube van. Seriously, weight lifting is
just lots of pain, and a shitload of boredom to go along with the pain, might I
add a shitload of insecurity as I watch other people in the gym lifting like 10
times what I’m lifting. The only time I
would be interested to return to a weight room would be if I showed up with
like 4 other guys on Halloween to the YMCA, and we were all dressed up like a different
member of the village people. I asked the YMCA employees if that was ever done and he said no.
Back on topic...So, what do I plan to do to get in shape? Kickboxing class once a week. It’s a start. Maybe if I get in better shape, it’ll be more than that, but baby steps is what I need.
Back on topic...So, what do I plan to do to get in shape? Kickboxing class once a week. It’s a start. Maybe if I get in better shape, it’ll be more than that, but baby steps is what I need.
For those of you that have never attended, kickboxing class
is the absolute most intense work out imaginable. I used to think a punk rock moshpit was the
most excessively sweat inducing activity, but it’s actually nothing in comparison
to a kickboxing class. When you go into
the change room, the floor is like a skating rink of other people’s sweat, and
after one kickboxing class, there’s not a single muscle in the body that isn’t
in pain. I remember having to roll out
of bed, because I couldn’t sit up. While
I don’t have weights at my disposal, I figure the excessive amount of push ups,
sit ups, and planking should suffice. If
I can commit to this class once a week for at least a year, I think I’ll be in
pretty good shape.
Even better, I’ll hopefully become somewhat decent at
kickboxing. I’ve always had a fascination
for the martial arts. Despite the fact that kickboxing class is 90
minutes of suffering and pain, it’s at least kind of fun. I’ve given up on weights, but I think I can
stick to this.
Now, I’ve accepted that laziness has been written into my
DNA, so I need to get around it. I now
have a new financial fuck myself plan. A
good friend of mine...let’s call him Dick Siemens (this is a real name. I ain’t
makin this shit up). He has a really big
debt with another friend of mine...let’s call him Jakov Mehboob (okay, this
name isn’t real, but there really is someone out there named Jakov, and Mehboob
is a much more common name than you’d expect).
I absolutely must attend one kickboxing class a week. Mr.
Siemens will text me every Sunday night to find out if I went to kickboxing
class or not. If the answer is no, I
have to give $25 to Jakov to which he will castrate the $25 off Dick’s
debt.
Now, there are exemptions to this. If I didn’t make it to kickboxing class, but
I did have a really intense work out in another form (ie: playing squash with
my older brother...trust me, this is tiring as fuck!!, or I went to a punk rock
show with a really rockin moshpit), then that’s good enough substitute workout that
I don’t have to pay. Or I get sick, it’s
probably not a good idea to go to class and risk infecting other people. Or if I’m on vacation, but that one’s
obvious.
But otherwise, I better get my lazy ass into kickboxing
class once a week , or my wallet will take even more vicious rapings. I’m not going to blog every week about this
like I do with the writing experiment, but I’ll keep a score card for those of
you that want to know how I’m doing. This
deal takes affect this week and will go for the rest of 2013. Who knows what the future has in store? Maybe a year from now, you’ll see a shitload
of shirtless pics with my bad ass 6 pack flooding the internet.
