Monday, April 11, 2011

I've got a bone to pick with Miller Lite's "Man up" commercials...

If you're not familiar with the commercials I'm talking about, here's one of them:



The typical formula of these commercials: a guy asks for a light beer, he's asked if he cares how it tastes to which he replies no. The bartender then insults his manhood and tells him that she'll give him a miller lite once he stops being a little bitch. They'll have some lame joke about how this man is also carrying a purse, or wearing a skirt.

For one, if you're a bartender and love miller lite and want to expose everyone to it, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU BOTHER ASKING IF THEY CARE HOW LIGHT BEER TASTES? WHY NOT JUST GIVE THEM A FUCKING MILLER LITE WHEN THEY ASK FOR LIGHT BEER?!

That logic already seems very illogical. There's another commercial which bothers me even more, which I unfortunately can't find on youtube.

It has a bunch of guys on a camping trip. Everyone is drinking miller lite except for one guy who's drinking a can of light beer. They all make fun of him. The commercial ends with him drinking miller lite just like the rest of his buddies.

These commercials are subtly sending a bad message about peer pressure and conformity. All it takes is a little teasing and then the one oddball conforms to the gang and drinks Miller Lite just like the rest. That's all it takes...a little teasing. These are the kind of people that probably became smokers because their smoker friends in school called them a pussy and they're like, "Oh God, I don't want to become a pussy! I'll poison my lungs and get addicted to a product that kills hundreds of thousands of people a year to show how much of a pussy I'm not!"

As far as I'm concerned, these characters aren't liberated for drinking miller lite. They are simply showing how weak they are. Who knows what happens after that one person has been converted to Miller Lite? Maybe his friends are like, "By the way, we want to re-start the Nazi movement and rid the world of Jews. Can I get a Heil Hitler?" That character with a skirt probably ended up in a tattoo parlour getting a Swastika on his arm, while downing a miller lite.

Some of you may be like, "Oh God! Don't be like Fox news with Nazi analogies"...well, in my case I'm trying to use a Nazi analogy to be funny, so STFU!

I can personally attest to being that guy in the Miller Lite commercial, but in my case it's guys drinking beer and me drinking Smirnoff Ice. (Note: I no longer drink Smirnoff Ice because my stomach can't handle it anymore. Maybe I'm not woman enough for smirnoff ice?)

I constantly got, "What the fuck? You're drinking a woman's drink, woman."
Well...hey asshole, Smirnoff Ice has 7% alcohol a bottle while your Coors Light has 4%. I'm gonna get drunk way faster than you do...4 bottles of smirnoff ice is the alcoholic equivalent to 7 bottles of Coors Light.

If Shake Weight was around back then, I would totally be downing a Smirnoff Ice with one hand, while working out with the shakeweight with the other hand simulatenously. I don't care how unmanly that looks. I'm getting drunk while having a good work out at the same time.

Anyways, Miller Lite needs to stop telling people to "Man up" by doing what everyone else is doing. There is absolutely nothing manly about conformity. Conformity is for the weak-minded. Independant thought is way under-rated.

To quote a very wise white man, Vanilla Ice: "Be true to yourself! If you ain't bein true to yourself, YOU AIN'T BEIN TRUE TO NOBODY!!"

So if you find yourself at a bar asking for a light beer and the bartender starts to insult your manliness for not wanting miller lite answer with, "You know what? I change my mind. Get me a Shirley Temple with Vodka, motherfucker!"


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